Thespian Musings: Vulnerablitity and Trust

Recently, I was helping a friend of mine with a revision of his screenplay(which is brilliant, by the way). I was reading a newly updated draft and when I got to one of the scenes I went: "Oh, wow, you listened to me!"

I said that.

Out loud.

And he looked at me and said: "Of course I did. Do you think I wouldn't take your advice?"

Quite frankly?

Yes.

The fact that my friend not only listened to what I said(and wrote) when I gave him feedback, but also took it into consideration and made changes based something I said blew me away.

S-H-O-C-K-E-D me.

Why

Do

I

Do

This

To

Myself?

I am a freaking adult and the fact that a friend of mine cared enough to listen to me shouldn't surprise me as much as it did.

But it did.

Because that's something I'm really not used to.

So when it happens, I don't know what to say. 

There are times I don't trust people enough to take me seriously.

There are times I don't trust myself enough to be taken seriously.

Which is a problem.

Because I am an artist.

Artists need to

Gag.

I don't know how many times I've said on this blog I'm an introvert, but I'm an introvert.

Meaning being around a large group of people is exhausting.

 Six is fine.

Thirteen is pushing it.

A full house(theatre or otherwise)?

I run the other way.

Sometimes literally.

I'm the type of Introvert who finds it really hard to trust(see "I don't take myself seriously" above). So I as an Introvert Artist have lots of fun learning how to trust.

And in order to learn that, I have to be ok with being

Double.

Gag.

You guys, trust and vulnerability terrify me.

T-E-R-R-I-F-Y me.

Don't get me wrong, my immediate family I trust absolutely and I feel totally comfortable enough around them to have a Vulnerable Emotional Meltdown if need be.

I tend to err on the side of caution and give even my closest friends my superficial social mask most of the time because--let's be real--it's just easier.

But, superficiality impedes progression. It gets you stuck in one place, doing nothing and going nowhere.

Be the pigeon on the right, not the left

Being superficial means that you don't get hurt, yes, but it also means that you don't open yourself up to new experiences--good, bad, ugly, whatever.

Being Superficial=Lack of Trust=Fear of Vulnerability.

At least, in my book.

Whether we go into film or theatre, we as performing artists have chosen a career(or hobby, because, let's be real, sometimes that's what it is) where we basically get to dance naked in front of complete strangers every night.

By choice.

Which takes a lot of guts.

And Vulnerability.

And Trust.

And it's hard.

H-A-R-D.

But if we bottle ourselves up and shut down and freak out any time we open our mouths, or someone takes us seriously(like my friend), what good does that do anyone?

Yes, we are going to get hurt.

Yes, we are going to be ignored and over looked and taken for granted.

But, we are also going to get accepted.

We will get listened to.

We will get valued.

We will get loved.

And when this happens, it really shouldn't come as such a shock.

Because some people around us really do care.

They are vulnerable around us.

They value us.

The trust us.

They listen to us.

They take us seriously.

They love us.

They do.

They do, they do, they do.

Shouldn't we do the same to them?

We can choose to be superficial and stuck and get in our own way to "avoid getting hurt" aka "hide where it's safe".

Or, we can choose to trust and be vulnerable and open and not be so shocked when it all pays off.

You choose.

You're amazing.

That is all.